Today started off a little more positive than some , although the sleeping tablets are really knocking me out so I didn't get up until 11ish. For about an hour I had in my mind what I needed to be doing and then something minor happened and for the rest of the afternoon I was back in that dark grey place I have come to know very well. I went to mum and dad's for dinner and left at 11ish but halfway home I felt completely overwhelmed with sadness and a sense of complete emptiness. I should have stayed with mum and dad but felt the need to be close to your/our 'things', John. I still can't come to terms with coming home to an empty quiet home. John I really need you tonight. I love and miss you so much I ache with sadness Til later when we meet again John xxxxxxxx